Baby Shower #1

I was very blessed with wonderful friends and family supporting me with a shower in August!  It was such an awesome feeling to know that people from all stages of my life were there to celebrate our upcoming SON...very, very surreal.  Here are a few pictures!!!

I absolutely loved all the decorations and food they chose for our airplane themed nursery!  

What is that you see on the cake?  Matthew?  Why yes, that's going to be his name! :)  

We were blessed with lots of wonderful gifts for Matthew and we also had lots of fun playing games!

So grateful for all the friends and family that got to come.

Lisa and her son Henry came down to stay with us and we had a blast! :) (My little preview of having a little one in the house was so exciting!)

My cousins from Colorodo came and it was SO great to see them again!  

Here are my amazing hostesses!  I can't even express how much they all mean to me and I am forever grateful to them for all the love they poured into this shower for our little Matthew!  

Daniel came at the end to help load

up the cars! 

We have had so much fun getting the nursery set up and I will post pictures of that in the near future!  Will post more later as I am very behind on blogging! :)  

Falling Slowly

It's been a couple months since I've written a blog...which means that I'm now almost 6 months pregnant! (23 weeks now to be exact) What?  How did the time go that fast?  I think back to when we first found out and that really doesn't seem that long ago.  

I no longer have to worry about getting or feeling sick most of the time, so that has been really nice!  My biggest issue has been my leg going numb and tingling, which I'm currently getting help for with a chiropractor. Being able to walk without my leg completely going numb is definitely ideal!!!!!!!   

We got to see our baby again on the big screen and found out that HE is a boy..that was exciting and shocking all at the same time!!  The sonographer asked what we each thought the gender was and all of a sudden I heard, "Dad's right! It's a boy!" and all things boy popped into my head like a whirlwind.  It took me a few days to process it, really.  You see, since I've gotten to know some sweet baby boys in my life of friends, I've wanted to have a boy first.  But for some reason in the last few months, people told me it was a girl and I had dreams that it was for sure a girl.  I had 3 very real dreams that it was a girl, one with the sonographer saying "It's definitely a girl!!!"  However, I did have one Very real dream and it was a baby boy, so maybe I should've remembered that one all along!  :)  And let's just be honest, I've kinda freaked about having the opposite gender of myself throughout this pregnancy.  I know girls because I am a girl, so I would've been an expert on a girl, right?  Ha!  All this to say, I've processed it and I'm embracing it more and more as the days go on.  I'm almost a boy mom!  :)

So, I had a gender reveal party the day after I found out with family and friends and that was pretty fun!  I was so nervous to see everyone's reactions and actually didn't feel like I really could enjoy knowing the gender until I told everyone else! We announced the gender by having my parents try to blow up balloons, my mom having the pink and dad having the blue.  The balloon that stayed blown up was the correct gender.  My mom tried Really hard to keep that pink blown up, but it just wouldn't stay!  :)  

Me with some of my favorites!  

Kirsten and I are pregnant together!  Fun! :)  

My friend Sarah took some great pics to capture the evening!

So, the title of this blog post is "Falling Slowly" and I have to say that that is literally what is happening to me right now in this time of waiting and anticipating.  I am slowly falling for this baby as I get to know him grow inside of me.  I think, in life, I tend to hesitate in getting attached to things that I don't know yet, so this has been a strange feeling for me.  I don't know this baby inside of me yet, but I know that I love him and that I will grow to love him more and more as the days go on.  I've learned that all the attention that was poured onto me my whole life, I will gladly give to him..because he will be/is already a part of my heart.  When I sit and think about how intimate this whole process is...I can't help but remember that God did this same thing with me when I was entrusted to my mom and dad.  God loved me so much even when I was in the womb and now I'm learning firsthand that God loves my little baby growing inside of me with that same deep love.  It's an incredibly humbling time for me and I know it's only just beginning.  What an amazing God we serve that He would bless us with a child!  Mind boggling....

Here are some fast facts about this little guy (Profile picture...Isn't he cute?? :) )

                         

1.  This baby is quite the kicker!  He loves to move around and let me know he's in there...which is actually reassuring..even though it can be very distracting!!  (It looked like he had very large feet in the sonogram...we shall see!!)  

2.  He loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, milkshakes, smoothies, fruit and most vegetables.  I still haven't had any major cravings, so I don't understand the whole craving thing yet! :)

3.  His daddy really, truly loves him.  He's gotten him books, researched things for his nursery and lovingly comes to every doctor's appointment.  He's been pretty amazing and I can't wait to see him become a dad!

4.  We might have a name already...can't believe that we could actually decide this early, but I'm already getting attached to the name, so I hope we stick to it.  I'm not sharing it with the world yet, though.   

5.  He's going to have an Airplane themed room in honor of his amazing great grandfather who he won't get to meet.  My grandfather worked on planes and LOVED planes...so I think this little guy will enjoy them, too.  (At least, I hope he does!)  Nursery is gonna be pretty dang cute if my ideas work out like they are in my head!!!  

As this baby boy grows, may I always remember what an incredible gift he is and how he will enrich my life so much more than I can imagine.  This falling slowly thing is pretty incredible....

What in the World is Happening to Me??

I feel like all of my posts are huge events in my life....marriage, house and now, this....

Yes, I'm really pregnant!!  What???

I always dreamed of the day that I would be pregnant and have a little baby..seriously, always.  Even as a young child, I used to desire to be around kids ALL the time and I longed for the feeling of a little baby or child to want me to hold them and for them to need me.  I started babysitting the minute that I could begin and have worked with kids my whole life.  And now...I find myself paralyzed in fear at times at the thought of a child growing inside of me...that I'M responsible for 
FOR-EEEEEEEEEVER!!!! (Cue "The Sandlot" kid)

Don't get me wrong....I can't believe that God has chosen me, us, to have a child of our own.  I know that it is a HUGE blessing to have the privilege to carry a child of my own.  And I have no doubt that God is equipping me as I type for this little being inside of me..and it's truly amazing.  But, I'm human and haven't ever had to be This responsible before, so sometimes I let that get the best of me.  

So, here's my lowdown on pregnancy so far:

*Maybe some of you won't believe this...but I knew before I could've known that I was pregnant.  The strangest sign that I felt was really bad lower back pain. (Weird, because obviously the little baby was extremely tiny at that point!!)  It was so bad one day that I literally had to stand up or I felt like I was going to pass out.  I drove to get a root beer to help with the dizziness and felt better.  It was WeIrD!!

*Nausea is not that fun!!!!!  I had to learn the whole process of eating when you wake up or just eating whenever you feel hungry.  I have never once thought before now, "Hey, let me eat while I'm feeling sick!"  But since this little baby has started taking over, that's been my solution!!  By the way, never in my life have I felt more like a cat than since I have been pregnant...I gag at random things and at random times.  I can just be standing in the kitchen and I will gag at something I see or smell.  Sooooo strange!

*My husband has had to learn a lot of patience, especially during Trimester 1.  I NEVER knew what I wanted to eat near the beginning of the pregnancy....still don't really.  My sweet husband took over when I couldn't stand being in the kitchen (well, let's be honest...he's the chef in our family) and tried to fix me meals every day to accommodate to my nausea.  I have only tolerated a lot of crackers, bread, lots of fruit, salad, and chips and salsa, to name a few.  Oh, and this baby has decided that pizza would make me feel better on more than one occasion.  Crazy that one of the most acidic foods would make my stomach feel better!  I have not enjoyed meats, rice, eggs, and even sweets as much as I used to.  As someone who loves food and always has, this is extremely unusual for me to not know what I want to eat pretty much ever and to learn how to stop eating if it's not agreeing with me.  I was very proud of myself the other day, because Daniel asked me what I wanted to eat and I requested steak and potatoes...ate it, and enjoyed it!!!!  He was so proud! Ha!
Oh, and how confusing is it that I am SOOOOOO hungry, start eating, and then have to almost immediately stop eating because I'm full?  I am constantly amazed at how much room I Don't have in my stomach for food and the baby is not even that big yet.  Wow, I'm in for a ride!

*I did have one realllllly bad day a couple of weeks ago where I had a stomach virus.  It was very confusing because I thought I was finally reaching that "feeling better" moment, so I had no idea why I was throwing up again all of a sudden.  I went to work and people kept saying, "Ohhhh, that's the crazy morning sickness!!  You just never know!"  Well, I knew that if it truly was morning sickness, that I was carrying Rosemary's baby for the day...because it was AWFUL!!!!  I finally gave in after almost a full day of keeping nothing down and called my doctor who quickly prescribed me anti nausea/anti vomiting medicine.  After that, I started to feel much better!!!  Oh, and it WAS NOT morning sickness, so I found out!!!!!  

Other than that, apparently I've had a pretty smooth start to pregnancy.  I've slowly found myself falling for this little baby as I go.  From seeing the baby, to hearing the heartbeat, to learning more about what s/he is developing inside there...it's really incredible and too overwhelming of a feeling to put it into words.

And!!!! Here's the little baby at 8 weeks!  

Fast facts:
-Baby is due November 3rd, which I have decided should be a pretty good time of year in the school year to fall into (if there's ever a good time! ha!), with a Christmas break on the way.  
-Baby's heart rate has stayed pretty high, which most say means it's a girl.  But really, who knows!
-Daniel thinks it's a boy and I think it's a girl.
-I had a very real dream the other day that it was a boy and he was born way, way too early!!  My dream life has NOT been boring.  

I'm sure there will be more to share as I go, but for now, that's all I've got!  So, here's to getting through Trimester 1 and moving forward with Trimester 2.  Somebody toast on my behalf, because I can't partake currently!    :)

Finding Peace in Change

So, here I am....married for 1 year and 9 months and I haven't blogged in a looooong time.  We have had so many awesome excitements in life, specifically beginning a new life in our house that we bought at the end of July.  The process to get a house was very overwhelming for us, but God truly guided us to the right house for us and there are and were so many blessings in store for us because of it.

Here's a picture of our pride and joy! :)  

I feel like every huge change in my life has taken a toll on me in a different way.  Going to college was a huge change because I had to take myself out of everything I knew and build a new life.  Starting a new job was such a big change for me because I had to learn a whole new system and make that my new life 5 days a week.  Marriage was a big change in life because I had to learn how to live with, love and care for someone else.  Getting a house was more overwhelming than I thought it would be because I have had to learn how to keep up with more space and how to care for that space as best as I can with the little time that I have.  

Can I just say that I don't like change?  I don't do well with change...I don't thrive off of change.  Change tends to cripple me...change tends to rock my world in a way that I don't enjoy.  Anxiety that I can't explain takes over my body and it is so difficult to kick.  It frustrates me that even good change can do that to me.  The other day I literally drove all the way to my old apartment just because it was a comfort to me for so long and I missed that.  Why would someone who has a wonderful house drive to their old comfort zone and think that would make them feel better?  It is the strangest thing that I am wired to love comfort..almost too much.

I just learned the other day through a dear friend that one of the reasons I don't do well with life changes are because I can't control what will happen and when/how it will happen.  On the outside, I am cool, calm and collected...but on the inside, my mind races and wonders what will happen next and how I will do with it all.  I never thought of this as a control issue, but it really is.  I always prided myself on being a laid-back person, but if I am questioning everything all the time and worrying my way through life when I don't know how it will turn out, that's me telling God, "I think I can do it better!!"  

Wanna know what triggered it this time?  A puppy...a little, itty bitty dog that my husband decided we must have!!!!!  Is he cute and sweet? Yes!! Is he gonna be a great addition to our family?  I'm sure he will be!  But in my mind, I have been worrying about all these little details about him.  Do we really want to handle keeping up with 2 dogs?  What if he turns out to be a big dog since we don't know what he's mixed with? What if he bites my future kids someday?  What if he's mean to Gracie?  I mean seriously, I've been driving myself crazy with it and I know Daniel is tired of hearing about it.  We bought the dog, we are learning to love the dog and I still can't calm myself down enough to just enjoy him.  Oh yea, here he is!  Meet Isaac!

So what's the problem?  My world was once again shaken by even just a little puppy...because I dislike change.  Why can't I just be excited with my husband about him without questioning it?  Why can't I just rest in my present new world??

I know why and I hate admitting it.....I'm not learning how to rest in God through even the little things.  I know with all my heart that God takes care of the big things in my life because He's proven it to me time and time again, but these little old feelings I have that I can't seem to shake...I seem to think He can't handle that.... that He can't help me through that because this is just the way that I am.  I'm tired of myself...I'm tired of dwelling on things that are out of my control.  I've got to trust Him through all this and believe that He is bigger than my racing thoughts, feelings and fears.

Isaiah 41:10 says: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

I will choose to remember that He will strengthen me and walk me through this life when I tap into Him.  I know that He wants me to trust Him through it all, even when it's hard and I am determined to figure out how to execute this.

I will choose to look at His faithfulness in my life...how He has provided for me time and time again, even when I wasn't sure how He was going to do it.  I will choose to count my blessings instead of sheep.  Love this song by Bing Crosby in White Christmas:

When I'm worried and I can't sleep

I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all

And I fall asleep counting my blessings  

Lord, help me to rest in You alone when my world is not as I think it should be.  Help me to remember Your blessings in my life and to embrace change as a new opportunity to trust You through it all.  May You be glorified in this weakness in my life and may I recognize Your provisions in everything, big or small.  Your peace, which passes all understanding Will guard my heart and my mind.  Amen.

God Never Stops Blessing

I just can't stop remembering and reflecting on God's faithfulness in blessing me these last few months. 

Here they are.....
1st and foremost, DANIEL AND I MADE IT TO 1 YEAR!!!!!!  What a blessing.  I just had no idea in my poor, little naive brain how much work marriage is and can be, so we are grateful that God guided and directed us through our first year.  He was so faithful to sustain us when we were discouraged or when we have struggled with life just dragging us down at times.  God is completely capable of sustaining a marriage when we give it to Him.  Awesome experience so far and can't wait to see what God will teach us next. 

    My parents took us out to celebrate!

      

         Celebrating!                               

The amazing bible Daniel got me with my name on it!!!

Lovin' the cake!!

                                                                                  

We went to a murder mystery dinner for our anniversary and we loved it!  We had to try to figure out who the killer was and it was just nice to do something different and fun. 

2.  Peace in the midst of storms-      Unexpectedly, this has been one of the most challenging school years I've ever had.  You might say, wow, hard caseload?  Nope, not at all!  I have an almost entirely new caseload and each and every one of them are blessings.  I even have amazingly cute preschool walk-in students that are SO MUCH FUN!!!!  You might think it's the paperwork....nope, actually this has been a pretty good year for me with that!!!  It is simply that God has placed people in my life that are challenging me in extremely hard ways.  I always think that God will surround me with honest, hard-workers...but that's not always the case.  God is bringing this blessing-in-disguise for a reason...and I will perservere until its time is up.  He's giving me SO MUCH peace when I just tap into it and ask for His help.  He is so completely capable of dealing with these situations and He's so much better at it than me!!! 

3.  Celebrations!!!!!!  Life is worth celebrating, right?  I feel so very blessed to be a part of so many people that are full of exciting times in their lives. 

Some of my bestest friends are pregnant and they happen to have the same name and are both having boys!!!!!  I had the privelage of helping throw a shower for Lisa Wolf celebrating her VERY soon arrival of her baby!!   I cannot wait to gently squeeze that precious little life in the next week!!!  Yayy

And then there's the other, Lisa Tutt....I get to celebrate her soon-coming baby Henry this weekend and I can't wait!! 

They will both be amazing mamas!!!!!!!!

And my precious cousins Samantha and David got married!  I am sooo excited for them to enjoy the blessing that is marriage.  God created it and will honor and bless it tremendously...I believe it!!!!   We love you, Samantha and David!!!  Here's a pic of me, Daniel and my mom at the wedding.

4.  My baby dog Gracie-*Insert cheesy music here.*  There's just something about that little face that greets me with excitement every day no matter what.  Maybe it's the consistency and devotion that I so crave and cling to...I don't know.  She's just a cuddly, sweet, amazing little furry friend of mine and I love her dearly.  Here she is with Francie, my parent's dog!  Aren't they precious!!?!?!!  :) 

5.  Spontaneity and Surprises-Maybe sometimes I just don't believe that God can surprise me in life or do something great through change.  Maybe I'm just too comfortable in not believing big enough.  But God has brought me so many surprises and excitement through just seeing it all play out.  He has answered several of my prayers and I can't wait to see what He will do with them.  He has taught me that I can do things with dedication...Example, I am reading the bible daily and Loving it!  I can't get enough of the Bible right now and it is coming alive for me.  Such a miracle considering I have a hard time following through with plans.  (Shout out to The Bible App-it keeps me accountable and sends me virtual awards!!!)

And I am grateful for random ideas from my husband that turn out to be just what we needed.  We decided to go to Oklahoma City on a whim last night to eat dinner and stay the night!  It was nice, relaxing, fun, and a true bonding experience for us. 

So that's why I'm blessed....God has truly been devoted to loving on me and us and I can't ask for more.  He never stops blessing!!!!!!!!  

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Expectations

***Expectations-the strong belief that something will happen or be the case. in the future.

So, I am here to tell you that I truly believe that expectations can mess you up. They mess me up all the time.
If I expect something to happen and it doesn't happen, it can affect my whole day, my mood and my perception of that situation.
Let me give you an example.....

Valentine's Day 2012...I selfishly EXPECTED Daniel to get me flowers, cook for me and spoil me rotten for the special day as we hadn't had one together ever.  I had a feeling he was planning something, but I just couldn't tell.  I got home from work and Expected flowers or something sweet.  Nothing.  I was disappointed.  My expectations were unfulfilled.  And unfortunately, I expressed it.  Daniel was sweet and said he was sorry and I went to see my client.  I got home from seeing my client and he had the apartment decorated with candles, a fancy meal was made and there were beautiful flowers as well.  Well, shoot....not only was I wrong, I already ruined the special moment by being selfish.  Luckily, Daniel was gracious and happy to have surprised me.  But see what I did?  I let my expectations completely ruin what I already had..an upcoming special moment with him.  So what if he hadn't had something special for me?  I still had him...we still had sweet moments in our relationship.  But, because I thought I deserved it, I was mad when what I expected, almost didn't happen.  

I can think of many other things.....I expect my day to run smoothly at work with everything happening the way I want it....doesn't happen most days.  I expect Daniel to be in a good mood when I'm in a good mood....doesn't always happen.  I expect there to be no bumps in the road....never happens.  
I guess I just keep thinking....Don't I stress myself out more with what I expect than with what actually happens?  If only I could actually sit back and see the clear picture and think, "Anything can happen with this, but I'm OK with whatever."  But that just seems impossible to me at times.  


It seems like the only possible way to achieve happiness in all circumstances is to find a healthy approach to expectations.

Let's see.....Does the world offer me this?  The world tells me that if I want it, I should get it.  And if someone doesn't give it to me, make it happen.  It's my right to have everything I want and if people aren't on board, screw them.  (Excuse the harshness, but it's true, right?)  So, if I'm trying to steer away from selfishness in my responses to the "unchangeables" in life, is this the best answer for me?  

The Bible says....

-And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.  2 Corinthians 9:8

-For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.  Psalm 62:5

-As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.  Philippians 1:20

That last bible verse gets me....eager expectation.  Am I eager to expect things, whether they go my way or not?  And how do you "eagerly expect" something that might be bad?  The verse goes on to say that he has full courage that Christ will be honored in his body, whether life or death.  Wow.  It does take courage to trust that God is going to keep me in all circumstances no matter what.  I know without a fact that Paul got that courage from Jesus Christ alone, because we as humans are just not capable of true courage of the "what ifs" or "Oh my gosh, that just happened" events in our lives.  If you search online for "what if" or type in advice for a situation, you can be guaranteed that you will find people desperately searching for answers of how to deal with the unexpected.  People are crying out for answers out there.  But Paul....during his final days, of which I'm sure he never expected or anticipated, boldly stated that he eagerly expected and hoped in Christ Jesus with courage. 

I think that's the answer to my problem, or dare I say, our problem as a society.  If we eagerly expected the unexpected, whether it be the best day ever or an 'I-need-some-ice-cream-kinda-day," would our responses be different?  More importantly, are we spending enough time with Him to be able to handle all of life's challenges?  He promised us in His Word that He will supply all our needs according to HIS glorious riches.  He might not allow what we think we need, but He is a constant source of hope for us no matter what happens.  

My challenge for this huge issue in my life is to eagerly expect what God is bringing in my life and that will put my hope in Him.  I want to respond to whatever lies ahead with His grace and peace.  And in doing that, I will expect God to do exceedingly and abundantly more than I can ask or think.

Making a god of "The Moments"

Something I've realized about myself as I've gotten older is that life is not as fun and adventurous as it used to be back in high school and college. I was more spontaneous and I had a lot more room to budge with my free time.
If I wanted to go on a road trip, I could. If I wanted to hang out with friends, we arranged it that day and it happened! If I wanted to do nothing all day, I could. It was glorious.
But now, I have obligations to be places every day or every few days. I know my schedule is pretty much the same with a few exceptions week-to-week. I find myself being disappointed with events that used to be so exciting. I'm always confused as to why something that I anticipated so much couldn't keep that nagging feeling of emptiness away. I think I figured it out......
I have so much excitement building and building for an event, that when its actually over, I get disappointed and down.
Like for example, I can get so excited for a weekend full of fun events, that when they're over, I feel sad.

Why? I believe I have made a god of "moments." I have let my heart get so entangled with the emotions of fun events fulfilling me, that I have missed the mark.
What does it mean to make a god of a moment or moments? It means that I have let the rush and excitement of special or important moments in my life take the place of God. I have expected them to fill me up and make me happy and well, they're just not. Sure, they encourage me and make life not so monotonous, but they're not meeting my needs like I want them to.

How do I fix that? I need to turn to the Source of happiness, which is God. He has promised me that He will fill me with joy in His presence and that eternal pleasures are at His right hand. (Psalm 16:11)
So, when I really spend time with Him and see the big picture of who He is and what He's doing, those things that I depended on to bring happiness are just extra blessings in my life that come. They're not the true source of my happiness and they won't leave me feeling empty anymore. They'll make me all the more grateful for His many blessings in my life.

So, Here's the scenario now...
When I go to this amazing event in my life and feel sorely disappointed it's over, I will choose to remember that my true source of happiness comes from God alone. We, as humans are just not capable of comprehending how high, how deep and how high His love is for us and how much He wants to fill us up every day. But we can try. I'm going to try harder this week to find that God, the Maker of all of my moments, is fully capable of making me glad. Will you join me?