Y’all, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve written last, but the Lord has been stirring this in my heart for a while, so I feel led to share.
I have always been a technology lover for a long, long time...back when AIM was around you could find me chatting all the time with friends in my spare time. I have always cherished hearing what other people have to say, especially those I look up to with amazing spiritual lives. I love to listen to confident people share what God has done in their lives and then try my hardest to take on all that they exude. I almost put them on a pedestal at times, thinking, “I could never be that bold or put-together like ________"(insert amazing godly woman model). I can’t believe I’m saying this after years of loving all things internet, but, I think we are taking in way too much of what others are saying through social media/media outlets and not enough of what He says. Now let me just clarify...God talked through a donkey to someone, so He can use anyone to make Himself known and present in someone’s life. Let me also say that there have been seasons in my life here lately when I haven’t had the proper energy or carved out time to spend hearing from God through His Word alone. So I would/have listened to sermons, podcasts, Facebook and Instagram lives, topical YouTube videos or anything that could feed me His words in place of the Bible. But can I just tell you that while they have ministered to me, sometimes greatly, there is just nothing like His precious and Holy Word. He uses the Word to give voice to what we need in just the right times and gives us the discernment to interpret His words.
Y’all, these are scary times...there are a lot of people using the internet to share His love and truth, but yet, are barely speaking His name. They might have some great catch-phrases that sound wonderful on a coffee mug or bumper sticker, but the Word of the Lord is flawless, like silver purified in a crucible, like gold refined seven times. (Psalm 12:6) The Word of God is alive and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) Wow!
There might be a sermon or word from someone that is SO good, but there is nothing like receiving that word from the Lord Himself through His Word. And think about it...if they are truly in love with the Lord, they will want to encourage you to receive His Word first, not engulf you with their words and wisdom all day, every day. We need to be wise and discerning as we listen to what others say about the Word and we can do that by spending time with Him first.
I’m guilty...100% guilty of running quickly to the internet and All the great resources it has to offer. And I’m grateful...I’ve gottten some great godly wisdom on anxiety, marriage, parenting, etc. But there is absolutely nothing better than feeling that extra layer of protection that only the Word can give you as you start your day and enter into our world of constant advice and chatter.
I read 1 Timothy 6 this morning and couldn’t believe how relevant it is to some of the things we are seeing these days on social media and on TV. Speaking of the people who did not have a sound instruction of Jesus Christ, it was also brought to light that they could believe that godliness is a means to financial gain. But I love what was said in 1Timothy 6:6-7: ‘But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.’
This life begins and ends with The Lord....we can’t take our advice columns, our best friends, our favorite podcasters, our favorite inspirational quotes....it’s just going to be us and Him. So why don’t we just turn to Him every day and let His Word give us life and energize us for what is to come? Listen to those people that inspire you as much as you need to, but make sure that He is the One you listen to more. He’s worth every second you give Him and will guide you through His Word, the greatest resource, to everything that you need. That’s a promise you can rely on.
So, here I am 3 years into motherhood with a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I really can't believe how much has happened in such little time. It has gone so fast and I feel like savoring the moments gets trickier and trickier to do when you're a working mom with 2 jobs, wife of a student, maintainer of a home and trying to raise little kiddos. Daniel is now on the brink of nursing school, so he's taking all the required classes and working super, super hard. It's amazing to see him realize what he wants to do and dive in head-first. Matthew has been our challenge child through it all and we still deal with lots of defiance and teaching him how to do what he knows he needs to do when he's frustrated. I'm 100% sure my most frequently used word has been "pow-pow," because there's been lots of them!! But despite the behaviors, he has a genuinely kind heart and is so smart. We laugh often with him, which helps balance out the ebs and flows of parenting our little strong personality. And Madelyn....she is just the sweetest little angel that I never knew I needed. I love her smile, her laugh, her sweet presence and watching her develop at such a rapid rate!! She is constantly moving and "talking" and I foresee her crawling early to try to keep up with that crazy big brother of hers. She is extremely consistent with her schedule and it wasn't even set by me...she set it herself and then it was reinforced well by her sitter. That's been a wonderful and refreshing blessing!!!
I have been trying to balance life with all the many hats that I have to put on as I live in this very busy season of my life. I'm not going to lie...balancing right now is extremely difficult for me. I feel like everything I need to do is a priority and I am unsure of how to execute them all well. Managing time while keeping up with nursing and caring for a baby and little boy is difficult. I want to spend quality time with my family, but yet, also keep up with the things I need to do. And I absolutely love that my husband is entering his element for his career, but it's hard to have a busy husband and not have him available to help with all the everydayness of life with 2 kids.
Recently, I was feeling stressed, tired and honestly just overwhelmed with too much to do and not enough time to do it. I was feeling trapped in the routine of 'have-to's' and like I just couldn't keep up. So, He reminded me that He sees me. In those still-small moments of unrest, understanding that the God of the Universe sees and knows me meant the world to me. I wrote His words to me in the form of a letter from Him. I thought maybe someone else needed to read this, too:
Diana,
I see you down there trying to finish all your tasks for the day while trying to maintain a sound mind. I see you feeling inadequate because you didn't complete some or all of these tasks once again. I see how you're disappointed with yourself and feel like you're in a cycle of being stuck in the mundane. I see you wanting to spend as much time with your kids, but yet, wanting to sit and just "veg" also. I also see you trying your hardest to have fun in the midst of exhaustion. I see the smiles on your kids' faces that keep you going and keep you focused on why you have to follow the routine day-in and day-out.
I see you in the mornings when you wake up before everyone else and make sure all the things you need for the day are ready to go. I see you getting to the coffee maker as fast as you can so that you can wake up enough to get it all done. I see you waking that precious baby up and trying to take care of all her needs. I see how happy she makes you when she's up early with you. I see you go to the sitter's house and try to squeeze in as much time you can with your kiddos before you have to start the work day again.
I see how you go through the day making sure you get as much done as you can at school, while maintaining a schedule taking care of the baby as well with her milk supply. I see how tiring it is to make sure you keep that schedule so that your baby girl can eat each day.
I see you driving to your patients houses after work gets out and try to put a smile on your face, knowing you could be at home. I see how hard it is on you to keep going and not just drive home to see those babies.
I see how overwhelming it is to come home to a sometimes unsettled 3 year old and a baby that usually wants to eat right away, with your husband having to go study in the evenings. I see how difficult it is to try to maintain conversations with your spouse in the middle of taking on all the tasks that have to be completed before you can go to bed. I see how you're trying so hard to keep the bedtime routines and chasing wild and vivacious Matthew as he runs away, slamming doors and jumping on his bed to play chase. I see you as you have to lie down with your boy until he gets still because he has such a hard time winding down. I know it's hard to lose that precious time, but yet, love to spend time with him while you can. You're often divided with your time and feeling the effects of it. And sweet girl, I see you washing those bottles at 9,10 or even 11 some nights, just wishing the soap suds away so that you can just sit down and rest. I see how exhausted you are and how it doesn't "look" like you've done much, but feels like you've done a lifetime of work. I see it all, sweet Daughter of Mine. And I look on you with joyful expectation, just hoping that you will give it to Me...wishing that you would let Me take on your burdens because my yoke is easy. I can do it all, for it's when you're weak, I am strong. Remember who you are in Me...Righteous, Holy, Chosen, Redeemed, Adopted, Fearfully and Wonderfully made, Forgiven, and most importantly, SEEN and KNOWN. I love you and I choose you every second of every day...so now, please give it up and choose Me in all you do.
Love,
Your Father
God has been reminding me constantly to live in who I am as a daughter of the King. It's been hard to do that when I'm trying to live out and follow the routine, attempting to get it all done on my own. I'm often failing, feeling overwhelmed and running short on my abilities because I'm not continually tapping into the Source that is always available to me as I go through this season and every season. And something amazing has been happening for me when I press into Him....I feel sufficient and joyful in the midst of this seasonal exhaustion, which are hard to come by on my own. He is teaching me to thrive through Him, not just survive. I'm so grateful that He is always there to remind me and refuel me as I go without any hesitation. So, to the mothers out there that feel overworked and overwhelmed at times like me, let's remember what we have in Him and that we are not alone. He SEES our efforts and will lift us up if we just look up and ask for some help.
