Finding Peace in Change

So, here I am....married for 1 year and 9 months and I haven't blogged in a looooong time.  We have had so many awesome excitements in life, specifically beginning a new life in our house that we bought at the end of July.  The process to get a house was very overwhelming for us, but God truly guided us to the right house for us and there are and were so many blessings in store for us because of it.

Here's a picture of our pride and joy! :)  

I feel like every huge change in my life has taken a toll on me in a different way.  Going to college was a huge change because I had to take myself out of everything I knew and build a new life.  Starting a new job was such a big change for me because I had to learn a whole new system and make that my new life 5 days a week.  Marriage was a big change in life because I had to learn how to live with, love and care for someone else.  Getting a house was more overwhelming than I thought it would be because I have had to learn how to keep up with more space and how to care for that space as best as I can with the little time that I have.  

Can I just say that I don't like change?  I don't do well with change...I don't thrive off of change.  Change tends to cripple me...change tends to rock my world in a way that I don't enjoy.  Anxiety that I can't explain takes over my body and it is so difficult to kick.  It frustrates me that even good change can do that to me.  The other day I literally drove all the way to my old apartment just because it was a comfort to me for so long and I missed that.  Why would someone who has a wonderful house drive to their old comfort zone and think that would make them feel better?  It is the strangest thing that I am wired to love comfort..almost too much.

I just learned the other day through a dear friend that one of the reasons I don't do well with life changes are because I can't control what will happen and when/how it will happen.  On the outside, I am cool, calm and collected...but on the inside, my mind races and wonders what will happen next and how I will do with it all.  I never thought of this as a control issue, but it really is.  I always prided myself on being a laid-back person, but if I am questioning everything all the time and worrying my way through life when I don't know how it will turn out, that's me telling God, "I think I can do it better!!"  

Wanna know what triggered it this time?  A puppy...a little, itty bitty dog that my husband decided we must have!!!!!  Is he cute and sweet? Yes!! Is he gonna be a great addition to our family?  I'm sure he will be!  But in my mind, I have been worrying about all these little details about him.  Do we really want to handle keeping up with 2 dogs?  What if he turns out to be a big dog since we don't know what he's mixed with? What if he bites my future kids someday?  What if he's mean to Gracie?  I mean seriously, I've been driving myself crazy with it and I know Daniel is tired of hearing about it.  We bought the dog, we are learning to love the dog and I still can't calm myself down enough to just enjoy him.  Oh yea, here he is!  Meet Isaac!

So what's the problem?  My world was once again shaken by even just a little puppy...because I dislike change.  Why can't I just be excited with my husband about him without questioning it?  Why can't I just rest in my present new world??

I know why and I hate admitting it.....I'm not learning how to rest in God through even the little things.  I know with all my heart that God takes care of the big things in my life because He's proven it to me time and time again, but these little old feelings I have that I can't seem to shake...I seem to think He can't handle that.... that He can't help me through that because this is just the way that I am.  I'm tired of myself...I'm tired of dwelling on things that are out of my control.  I've got to trust Him through all this and believe that He is bigger than my racing thoughts, feelings and fears.

Isaiah 41:10 says: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

I will choose to remember that He will strengthen me and walk me through this life when I tap into Him.  I know that He wants me to trust Him through it all, even when it's hard and I am determined to figure out how to execute this.

I will choose to look at His faithfulness in my life...how He has provided for me time and time again, even when I wasn't sure how He was going to do it.  I will choose to count my blessings instead of sheep.  Love this song by Bing Crosby in White Christmas:

When I'm worried and I can't sleep

I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all

And I fall asleep counting my blessings  

Lord, help me to rest in You alone when my world is not as I think it should be.  Help me to remember Your blessings in my life and to embrace change as a new opportunity to trust You through it all.  May You be glorified in this weakness in my life and may I recognize Your provisions in everything, big or small.  Your peace, which passes all understanding Will guard my heart and my mind.  Amen.

God Never Stops Blessing

I just can't stop remembering and reflecting on God's faithfulness in blessing me these last few months. 

Here they are.....
1st and foremost, DANIEL AND I MADE IT TO 1 YEAR!!!!!!  What a blessing.  I just had no idea in my poor, little naive brain how much work marriage is and can be, so we are grateful that God guided and directed us through our first year.  He was so faithful to sustain us when we were discouraged or when we have struggled with life just dragging us down at times.  God is completely capable of sustaining a marriage when we give it to Him.  Awesome experience so far and can't wait to see what God will teach us next. 

    My parents took us out to celebrate!

      

         Celebrating!                               

The amazing bible Daniel got me with my name on it!!!

Lovin' the cake!!

                                                                                  

We went to a murder mystery dinner for our anniversary and we loved it!  We had to try to figure out who the killer was and it was just nice to do something different and fun. 

2.  Peace in the midst of storms-      Unexpectedly, this has been one of the most challenging school years I've ever had.  You might say, wow, hard caseload?  Nope, not at all!  I have an almost entirely new caseload and each and every one of them are blessings.  I even have amazingly cute preschool walk-in students that are SO MUCH FUN!!!!  You might think it's the paperwork....nope, actually this has been a pretty good year for me with that!!!  It is simply that God has placed people in my life that are challenging me in extremely hard ways.  I always think that God will surround me with honest, hard-workers...but that's not always the case.  God is bringing this blessing-in-disguise for a reason...and I will perservere until its time is up.  He's giving me SO MUCH peace when I just tap into it and ask for His help.  He is so completely capable of dealing with these situations and He's so much better at it than me!!! 

3.  Celebrations!!!!!!  Life is worth celebrating, right?  I feel so very blessed to be a part of so many people that are full of exciting times in their lives. 

Some of my bestest friends are pregnant and they happen to have the same name and are both having boys!!!!!  I had the privelage of helping throw a shower for Lisa Wolf celebrating her VERY soon arrival of her baby!!   I cannot wait to gently squeeze that precious little life in the next week!!!  Yayy

And then there's the other, Lisa Tutt....I get to celebrate her soon-coming baby Henry this weekend and I can't wait!! 

They will both be amazing mamas!!!!!!!!

And my precious cousins Samantha and David got married!  I am sooo excited for them to enjoy the blessing that is marriage.  God created it and will honor and bless it tremendously...I believe it!!!!   We love you, Samantha and David!!!  Here's a pic of me, Daniel and my mom at the wedding.

4.  My baby dog Gracie-*Insert cheesy music here.*  There's just something about that little face that greets me with excitement every day no matter what.  Maybe it's the consistency and devotion that I so crave and cling to...I don't know.  She's just a cuddly, sweet, amazing little furry friend of mine and I love her dearly.  Here she is with Francie, my parent's dog!  Aren't they precious!!?!?!!  :) 

5.  Spontaneity and Surprises-Maybe sometimes I just don't believe that God can surprise me in life or do something great through change.  Maybe I'm just too comfortable in not believing big enough.  But God has brought me so many surprises and excitement through just seeing it all play out.  He has answered several of my prayers and I can't wait to see what He will do with them.  He has taught me that I can do things with dedication...Example, I am reading the bible daily and Loving it!  I can't get enough of the Bible right now and it is coming alive for me.  Such a miracle considering I have a hard time following through with plans.  (Shout out to The Bible App-it keeps me accountable and sends me virtual awards!!!)

And I am grateful for random ideas from my husband that turn out to be just what we needed.  We decided to go to Oklahoma City on a whim last night to eat dinner and stay the night!  It was nice, relaxing, fun, and a true bonding experience for us. 

So that's why I'm blessed....God has truly been devoted to loving on me and us and I can't ask for more.  He never stops blessing!!!!!!!!  

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Expectations

***Expectations-the strong belief that something will happen or be the case. in the future.

So, I am here to tell you that I truly believe that expectations can mess you up. They mess me up all the time.
If I expect something to happen and it doesn't happen, it can affect my whole day, my mood and my perception of that situation.
Let me give you an example.....

Valentine's Day 2012...I selfishly EXPECTED Daniel to get me flowers, cook for me and spoil me rotten for the special day as we hadn't had one together ever.  I had a feeling he was planning something, but I just couldn't tell.  I got home from work and Expected flowers or something sweet.  Nothing.  I was disappointed.  My expectations were unfulfilled.  And unfortunately, I expressed it.  Daniel was sweet and said he was sorry and I went to see my client.  I got home from seeing my client and he had the apartment decorated with candles, a fancy meal was made and there were beautiful flowers as well.  Well, shoot....not only was I wrong, I already ruined the special moment by being selfish.  Luckily, Daniel was gracious and happy to have surprised me.  But see what I did?  I let my expectations completely ruin what I already had..an upcoming special moment with him.  So what if he hadn't had something special for me?  I still had him...we still had sweet moments in our relationship.  But, because I thought I deserved it, I was mad when what I expected, almost didn't happen.  

I can think of many other things.....I expect my day to run smoothly at work with everything happening the way I want it....doesn't happen most days.  I expect Daniel to be in a good mood when I'm in a good mood....doesn't always happen.  I expect there to be no bumps in the road....never happens.  
I guess I just keep thinking....Don't I stress myself out more with what I expect than with what actually happens?  If only I could actually sit back and see the clear picture and think, "Anything can happen with this, but I'm OK with whatever."  But that just seems impossible to me at times.  


It seems like the only possible way to achieve happiness in all circumstances is to find a healthy approach to expectations.

Let's see.....Does the world offer me this?  The world tells me that if I want it, I should get it.  And if someone doesn't give it to me, make it happen.  It's my right to have everything I want and if people aren't on board, screw them.  (Excuse the harshness, but it's true, right?)  So, if I'm trying to steer away from selfishness in my responses to the "unchangeables" in life, is this the best answer for me?  

The Bible says....

-And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.  2 Corinthians 9:8

-For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.  Psalm 62:5

-As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.  Philippians 1:20

That last bible verse gets me....eager expectation.  Am I eager to expect things, whether they go my way or not?  And how do you "eagerly expect" something that might be bad?  The verse goes on to say that he has full courage that Christ will be honored in his body, whether life or death.  Wow.  It does take courage to trust that God is going to keep me in all circumstances no matter what.  I know without a fact that Paul got that courage from Jesus Christ alone, because we as humans are just not capable of true courage of the "what ifs" or "Oh my gosh, that just happened" events in our lives.  If you search online for "what if" or type in advice for a situation, you can be guaranteed that you will find people desperately searching for answers of how to deal with the unexpected.  People are crying out for answers out there.  But Paul....during his final days, of which I'm sure he never expected or anticipated, boldly stated that he eagerly expected and hoped in Christ Jesus with courage. 

I think that's the answer to my problem, or dare I say, our problem as a society.  If we eagerly expected the unexpected, whether it be the best day ever or an 'I-need-some-ice-cream-kinda-day," would our responses be different?  More importantly, are we spending enough time with Him to be able to handle all of life's challenges?  He promised us in His Word that He will supply all our needs according to HIS glorious riches.  He might not allow what we think we need, but He is a constant source of hope for us no matter what happens.  

My challenge for this huge issue in my life is to eagerly expect what God is bringing in my life and that will put my hope in Him.  I want to respond to whatever lies ahead with His grace and peace.  And in doing that, I will expect God to do exceedingly and abundantly more than I can ask or think.