So, Miss Madelyn is coming in 1 week via scheduled C-section and we truly can't believe it. I've been pregnant a while, but it really has gone so, so fast that I haven't had time to really sit and process it all. Everything has been very different this pregnancy and I can't believe that the fruit of this special time will be a precious baby girl. At the same time, the small family, quality-time girl within me has a difficult time letting go of this sweet 3-person family I have. I am trying to enjoy every second I can of our little family before the big changes come.
Here's my thoughts on my boy as I prepare for all the changes:
Oh, this boy named Matthew...how he's changed our world in SO many ways.
If only I could put into words how much he has meant to me/us. He has been a joy, a constant source of entertainment and a challenge for us in so many ways.
Here's just a short list of all of the ways he's turned our world upside down/inside out crazy and fun.
1. He is joyful, vivacious, loud-and-proud and completely entertaining all in one package.
2. He loves to come over and squeeze our faces, tickle us or come act super silly to make us smile.
3. He LOVES his daddy. They love to be silly together, watch TV, and enjoy running errands like to "Kogert" or Walmart. Daddy also loves to irritate Matthew and they have a love/hate relationship in those moments. They ALWAYS recover though and Matthew always goes back for more!
4. I love how he loves on me, even though he is SO incredibly rambunctious!! He loves to touch my neck whenever he sits with me, hug me after a bath almost every time (SO sweet!), give me kisses, he wants me to "Lay me" (lay with him) when it's bedtime, have tickle time and read together.
5. Funnily enough, he named our cars. My car is named "Doggit/Toggit." The first time he said it, I thought he was talking about 'Target', but he corrected me and said "Toggit." It has stuck ever since. He calls Daddy's car "Carro." He used to refuse to take "Toggit" and only want to ride in "Carro," But now, he specifically requests certain cars! It's pretty funny how passionate he is about each car. He also loves carrying around his favorite cars (usually a green one that was actually mine when I was little) and now car keys. Maybe he will be a car guy someday?
6. He loves his Baba and Grandad time! He has a routine he loves when he's with them at their house and absolutely adores each of them! It's soooo cute to watch them together!!
7. He is incredibly hard-headed...to the point that it can be ridiculous to manage! He has started trying to boss us around and tell us what to do. If we say something he doesn't like, he says "Shhh, quiet! No, no!" He quickly tries to make up something to get out of it, like "Daddy's sleeping" to cover up what he knows will get him in trouble. We are working through the disobedience with 'Pow Pows' and providing examples of what he should/shouldn't do. He can wear us out for sure though!!!
8. The kid continues to have trouble going to sleep and sleeping through the night. When it is bedtime and he tries to escape the bed, he tells us he: poo-pooed (we check and there's usually nothing there), he's choking, he's sick, he's scared, he's bleeding...you name it! He's incredibly good at putting up a front and trying to talk his way out of things! The staying asleep thing....he randomly wakes up at 11:30, 12, 1, 3 and tries to get in bed with us. When we take him back, it takes him a while to get back to sleep. The only good thing about all of these issues is that he doesn't wake up early. Still, it wears you out! We are hoping our little night owl will sleep normally someday....
9. Pickiest.eater.ever!!!!!!!!! If I could ever predict what feeding a child would be like, Matthew has completely 100% surprised me with the way he chooses to eat/not eat things all the time! I have decided he would be fine with just drinking milk, eating french fries and ketchup, hot dogs, fruit, peanut butter and waffles. Seriously...everything else he changes on all the time! He loves chicken some days, other days he won't eat it at all for us. He loves snacks too, but I feel like he never likes the protein items! Oh, and vegetables..nope, won't eat them! I pray this too shall pass, but man, it's been a big challenge for us!!!
10. He loves to help us with things...he will throw away trash, put clothes in the washer, turn on lights, get shoes for us, and anything else he can think of. He is extremely independent and it shows when he tries to do things on his own around the house. He's fearless, explores mostly everything willingly and has a very tenacious personality. He and his dad are SO much alike, it's sometimes scary!
11. He has a REALLY good memory. He remembers a lot of names that surprise me, parts of books, and phrases we have said. I'm constantly amazed at how quickly he picks things up and is able to spout it out all the time!
12. He loves being around other people and enjoys playing with other kiddos. I'm so glad he has such an open personality so that he can enjoy getting to know others as he grows up! He also loves to talk to his baby sister randomly! I love it when he looks at my belly and says "Awwww, baby sister!!!!"
Let's just say...he's quite a kid! I can't imagine life without this little ball of energy! We are soooo blessed by him and I know he will be a great big brother.
Now, here's some thoughts on this little lady that is about to take over our world, too:
I am truly blessed and amazed to be having a little girl. I have always wanted one and I love thinking about how one day she and I will (hopefully) be as close as my mom and I are. I also can't wait to see her with Daniel. I just have a feeling he's going to melt into a puddle on the ground when he meets her and gets to know her. She has let herself become known so much of this pregnancy by moving and taking over way more than Matthew did! It's been crazy to feel a baby move so much and even wonder if it's normal sometimes because it's been so different! I often wonder what this means with how she will turn out, but I've heard she could still be calm as ever once she's out. We shall see!! I can't wait to dress her up in these adorable clothes I've gotten and watch her look/feel like the little princess that I know she will be. And mostly, I just can't wait to get to know her and her heart. We know without a doubt that God has brought her into our lives as a forever blessing and reminder that He is with us. Our hearts are overwhelmed with anticipation!
I pray that this transition will be a time of loving and learning as we invite her into our family! We love you, Madelyn and CAN'T WAIT to meet you so soon!
Thank you all for the love and support during this time. I can't express how much it's meant to our family! Oh, and I'll try not to post too many pictures, but I can't promise anything! 😆 July 7th...ready or not, here we come!
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Thy Will Be Done
I've felt a little quiet and distant from sharing my life this last year. I think it's partly because I've felt "challenged" by God and partly because I wanted to see what He was going to do. It's been quite a journey for me this last year called 2016 and it was full of ups, downs and all-arounds.
I tend to stay to myself or "shut off" if I feel like I don't know what the heck is going on with my life or have been burned by life at times. I am an only child, so I guess that makes sense, but I know it's not always what's best for me when I need to process through things. But on the flip side of that, I love to be silly and be with friends and family enjoying life with others. Although there are aspects of my life that I absolutely love (most specifically that little stinker, Matthew!), I had a very difficult time feeling like 'me' this last year.
I began the year with a surprise of a lifetime end of January when I found out I was pregnant. Were we trying? Nope! Were we wanting a child that soon? Not so much! But after the initial shock, Daniel and I just learned to accept it and embrace it as best as we could. I had a difficult time believing it was true, but a part of me was excited to see why God allowed this little child to come into our lives so unexpectedly. I told some people, seriously feeling dumbfounded that it was really happening. Daniel told most everyone he knew, which made me very worried for some reason. I soon figured out why I was so leery. At 6.5 weeks pregnant, the Lord began the process of taking away that sweet baby I didn't think I wanted. I prayed and hoped it wasn't true and dreaded seeing what I knew was truly abnormal. As it got worse, Daniel and I went to the ER and decided to get help. As humbling and horrible as it all was, it comforted me to be in the presence of medical professionals because I couldn't do it on my own anymore. Even though they didn't tell me anything but that it was a threatened miscarriage, I knew that this was the beginning of the end. I was sent home and told to go to the ER if I miscarry. I did in fact miscarry and Daniel and I went to the hospital for confirmation. As I write this, I'm fighting back tears remembering such a dark and awful time.
Learning how to move forward while grieving was extremely difficult for me. I found myself crying/trying to just survive when I thought about it. I quickly learned that finding people who have been there and understood helped start the healing process for me. I talked to them and asked them when it will get better and how they got through it. I looked to the Lord as He continually tried to comfort my broken heart. I cried and ask 'why?' a million times. I wanted to deal with it on my own most of the time and had a difficult time sharing it with people who didn't understand how I felt. Plus, who wants to talk about such a depressing topic?
My hard year didn't end there. I had several health problems throughout the Spring and Summer and had to spend hundreds and even thousands on medical procedures throughout the year. Some points of the journey were just downright frustrating, but God sure did give me story after story to help remember that He can pull me through. And He steadily tried to hold me up and kept my head above the water. He allowed all of these things at the right time to be able to handle them and I was taken care of by so many so quickly. The Lord healed my health issues by October.
And in October, the Lord helped us get pregnant!! We are so very grateful and in awe of His provisions. I can't say this pregnancy has been easy for me because I've been so scared that He will allow this one to go to Heaven too. Even after 3 years, I have forgotten the aches, pains and inconveniences that come with pregnancy, so I sometimes ask questions in order to figure out if each concern is "normal." And I've also learned it's perfectly acceptable to ask questions and need a little more guidance during this time of my life. The Lord has been very clear with me this whole time that He is taking care of it and I finally believe Him. I'm 14 weeks and I'm confident that as of right now, everything is typical and normal this pregnancy.
Something has happened to me throughout this process that I know wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been brought to my knees wondering what in the world God was doing. God has taught me that it's OK to be vulnerable and real with people who might or might not understand and tell them the bad news, too. I really like to make people feel good and bring happy thoughts to them. But there is something amazing about sharing with others and encouraging them that I, too, have gotten through the trenches and came out slightly burned, but am still alive. God has brought several people into my life since then that have been through something similar and through that, there's been an unexplained bond that has formed as we remember that life is hard for everyone in the same and sometimes different ways. Although it's hard for me to say this, I thank God that He has opened my eyes to the fact that EVERYTHING that comes into my life is part of His plan to draw myself and others to Him. The song that I clung to the entire last year is called "Thy Will Be Done." It's an incredible song that addresses the heartache and confusion that comes from a miscarriage.
Here are the lyrics:
"Thy Will"
And after my year of retreating and staying to myself, I want to continually remind myself and others that He is truly there at all times. No matter where you are...what you are going through...what you might go through soon...He will always be gently guiding you to His comforting arms, ready for anything that comes your way. He has been so sweet and near to me in my times of confusion and sadness. I am so grateful that I am not alone and that the Lord has kept me going through it all, even when I really didn't think I could do it. He is faithful to meet us in our sorrows and heal us from within.
And I am so incredibly excited to meet this rainbow baby. Pregnancy continues to be so miraculous to me and I will forever praise the One who gives and takes away...no matter what! Here's to a new year and season! Thank You, Lord for new beginnings!
I tend to stay to myself or "shut off" if I feel like I don't know what the heck is going on with my life or have been burned by life at times. I am an only child, so I guess that makes sense, but I know it's not always what's best for me when I need to process through things. But on the flip side of that, I love to be silly and be with friends and family enjoying life with others. Although there are aspects of my life that I absolutely love (most specifically that little stinker, Matthew!), I had a very difficult time feeling like 'me' this last year.
I began the year with a surprise of a lifetime end of January when I found out I was pregnant. Were we trying? Nope! Were we wanting a child that soon? Not so much! But after the initial shock, Daniel and I just learned to accept it and embrace it as best as we could. I had a difficult time believing it was true, but a part of me was excited to see why God allowed this little child to come into our lives so unexpectedly. I told some people, seriously feeling dumbfounded that it was really happening. Daniel told most everyone he knew, which made me very worried for some reason. I soon figured out why I was so leery. At 6.5 weeks pregnant, the Lord began the process of taking away that sweet baby I didn't think I wanted. I prayed and hoped it wasn't true and dreaded seeing what I knew was truly abnormal. As it got worse, Daniel and I went to the ER and decided to get help. As humbling and horrible as it all was, it comforted me to be in the presence of medical professionals because I couldn't do it on my own anymore. Even though they didn't tell me anything but that it was a threatened miscarriage, I knew that this was the beginning of the end. I was sent home and told to go to the ER if I miscarry. I did in fact miscarry and Daniel and I went to the hospital for confirmation. As I write this, I'm fighting back tears remembering such a dark and awful time.
Learning how to move forward while grieving was extremely difficult for me. I found myself crying/trying to just survive when I thought about it. I quickly learned that finding people who have been there and understood helped start the healing process for me. I talked to them and asked them when it will get better and how they got through it. I looked to the Lord as He continually tried to comfort my broken heart. I cried and ask 'why?' a million times. I wanted to deal with it on my own most of the time and had a difficult time sharing it with people who didn't understand how I felt. Plus, who wants to talk about such a depressing topic?
My hard year didn't end there. I had several health problems throughout the Spring and Summer and had to spend hundreds and even thousands on medical procedures throughout the year. Some points of the journey were just downright frustrating, but God sure did give me story after story to help remember that He can pull me through. And He steadily tried to hold me up and kept my head above the water. He allowed all of these things at the right time to be able to handle them and I was taken care of by so many so quickly. The Lord healed my health issues by October.
And in October, the Lord helped us get pregnant!! We are so very grateful and in awe of His provisions. I can't say this pregnancy has been easy for me because I've been so scared that He will allow this one to go to Heaven too. Even after 3 years, I have forgotten the aches, pains and inconveniences that come with pregnancy, so I sometimes ask questions in order to figure out if each concern is "normal." And I've also learned it's perfectly acceptable to ask questions and need a little more guidance during this time of my life. The Lord has been very clear with me this whole time that He is taking care of it and I finally believe Him. I'm 14 weeks and I'm confident that as of right now, everything is typical and normal this pregnancy.
Something has happened to me throughout this process that I know wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been brought to my knees wondering what in the world God was doing. God has taught me that it's OK to be vulnerable and real with people who might or might not understand and tell them the bad news, too. I really like to make people feel good and bring happy thoughts to them. But there is something amazing about sharing with others and encouraging them that I, too, have gotten through the trenches and came out slightly burned, but am still alive. God has brought several people into my life since then that have been through something similar and through that, there's been an unexplained bond that has formed as we remember that life is hard for everyone in the same and sometimes different ways. Although it's hard for me to say this, I thank God that He has opened my eyes to the fact that EVERYTHING that comes into my life is part of His plan to draw myself and others to Him. The song that I clung to the entire last year is called "Thy Will Be Done." It's an incredible song that addresses the heartache and confusion that comes from a miscarriage.
Here are the lyrics:
"Thy Will"
I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I got is hurt and these four words
Chorus:
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I got is hurt and these four words
Chorus:
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So
Chorus
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
So
Chorus
Like a child on my knees
All that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So
Chorus
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
So
Chorus
Like a child on my knees
All that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Although His will through this process has been hard for me to grasp, I know that He fulfilled His plan, whatever that might be. This part of my journey has brought me back to a mindset that I've truly missed for a while of wanting so badly to lovingly comfort and encourage others in their walks in life, pointing them towards the Lord.
And after my year of retreating and staying to myself, I want to continually remind myself and others that He is truly there at all times. No matter where you are...what you are going through...what you might go through soon...He will always be gently guiding you to His comforting arms, ready for anything that comes your way. He has been so sweet and near to me in my times of confusion and sadness. I am so grateful that I am not alone and that the Lord has kept me going through it all, even when I really didn't think I could do it. He is faithful to meet us in our sorrows and heal us from within.
And I am so incredibly excited to meet this rainbow baby. Pregnancy continues to be so miraculous to me and I will forever praise the One who gives and takes away...no matter what! Here's to a new year and season! Thank You, Lord for new beginnings!
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Jesus Loves me...This I know
Matthew takes over my world in the best way possible...but there have been some times where I'm not quite ready for his tantrums or whatever frustration comes our way. I absolutely love giving my time to my child and spending time with others...but I tell you what...I need Jesus. It comes out in almost everything I say, do and experience. It comes out when I'm exhausted and try to muster up strength to keep going. It comes out when I get upset with my husband or him with me. It comes out when dealing with a difficult person at work. It comes out when hard times come with no warning. The list goes on.
But something amazing has been happening to me lately. It's just simply that God is drawing me to Himself through so many things saying, "Come to Me...." "Rest with Me...." It has been through a song that speaks to me...through a sermon...through something someone says...and amazingly enough, it has been through my child.
Something I hope that I never forget is that my son has the ability to encourage and lift you up with his amazing spirit and that smile...oh, that smile. However, he throws tantrums like nobody's business (see picture above) when he feels like it. Trust me, it's quite embarrassing and especially, when in public. One day, as we were playing/reading books in his room, he was throwing tantrums left and right, getting spankings for it left and right...and I just felt so frustrated! He has the ability to turn his anger on and off in almost an instant, which causes me to almost laugh and cry at the same time trying to understand this KID! (Anger management in our future?!?! ha!) He then happily handed me the book "Jesus Loves Me" and I started to read/sing it to him.
Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak, but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me this I know,
as He loved so long ago.
Taking children on His knee
saying, "Let them come to me."
Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me still today,
walking with me on my way.
Wanting as a friend to give light and love to all who live.
Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.
My heart melted.
So, then, I turned the book over and it says on the back "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19.
This is where God just drops the mic. 'Do you get it, Diana?' I love you...I love Matthew...I bear your burdens and take care of it for you...if you just give it to Me!!!!' How many times do we do things wrong and just want others to get over it, forgive and move on? (That answer is 'always' for this people pleaser/laid back personality girl!) I saw it in my child when in a matter of seconds he snapped out of his tantrum, his discipline moments, and wanted to move forward and enjoy this book. He actually wanted me to read it a second time. (Ok, I get it God....:) ) We long for/expect God to be gracious with us when we sin. God was showing me that just as He is gracious to me on a daily basis, I am called to be gracious with my child over and over again. And how precious is that to me? It gets real personal when I think about it that way. Because my love for my child is so personal.
You are very personal to Him. Finding a moment to spend with Him is very precious to Him. When Matthew came up to me and wanted to read that book with those lyrics, my heart soared. Can you imagine how God's heart soars when we give Him the praise...when we thank Him...when we talk with Him even for just a few minutes?
Let the little children come to Me...that's me....that's you....that's your children. May I/we learn to draw from the Wellspring of life and press into Him so that we can experience how deep, how wide and how high His love is for us. And may I/ we realize how incredibly blessed we are that we have access to His grace seconds after we throw a tantrum. In the words of my precious child/reminder of God's love for me when closing a prayer together..."Ameh."
But something amazing has been happening to me lately. It's just simply that God is drawing me to Himself through so many things saying, "Come to Me...." "Rest with Me...." It has been through a song that speaks to me...through a sermon...through something someone says...and amazingly enough, it has been through my child.
Something I hope that I never forget is that my son has the ability to encourage and lift you up with his amazing spirit and that smile...oh, that smile. However, he throws tantrums like nobody's business (see picture above) when he feels like it. Trust me, it's quite embarrassing and especially, when in public. One day, as we were playing/reading books in his room, he was throwing tantrums left and right, getting spankings for it left and right...and I just felt so frustrated! He has the ability to turn his anger on and off in almost an instant, which causes me to almost laugh and cry at the same time trying to understand this KID! (Anger management in our future?!?! ha!) He then happily handed me the book "Jesus Loves Me" and I started to read/sing it to him.
Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak, but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me this I know,
as He loved so long ago.
Taking children on His knee
saying, "Let them come to me."
Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me still today,
walking with me on my way.
Wanting as a friend to give light and love to all who live.
Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.
My heart melted.
So, then, I turned the book over and it says on the back "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." Psalm 68:19.
This is where God just drops the mic. 'Do you get it, Diana?' I love you...I love Matthew...I bear your burdens and take care of it for you...if you just give it to Me!!!!' How many times do we do things wrong and just want others to get over it, forgive and move on? (That answer is 'always' for this people pleaser/laid back personality girl!) I saw it in my child when in a matter of seconds he snapped out of his tantrum, his discipline moments, and wanted to move forward and enjoy this book. He actually wanted me to read it a second time. (Ok, I get it God....:) ) We long for/expect God to be gracious with us when we sin. God was showing me that just as He is gracious to me on a daily basis, I am called to be gracious with my child over and over again. And how precious is that to me? It gets real personal when I think about it that way. Because my love for my child is so personal.
You are very personal to Him. Finding a moment to spend with Him is very precious to Him. When Matthew came up to me and wanted to read that book with those lyrics, my heart soared. Can you imagine how God's heart soars when we give Him the praise...when we thank Him...when we talk with Him even for just a few minutes?
Let the little children come to Me...that's me....that's you....that's your children. May I/we learn to draw from the Wellspring of life and press into Him so that we can experience how deep, how wide and how high His love is for us. And may I/ we realize how incredibly blessed we are that we have access to His grace seconds after we throw a tantrum. In the words of my precious child/reminder of God's love for me when closing a prayer together..."Ameh."
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Reflections on the Year that Changed Me For the Better
How do you summarize the most monumental year of your life? How do you put into words the emotions, the memories and the complete adoration you feel for your baby? I guess that's what I'm trying to do here...both to reflect and to try to release emotions of sadness that they are over, but happiness for the new ones that have begun.
Let me start this by telling you that I am a person of simplicity, comfort and peace. I enjoy my alone time, but also love being with people with a maintained balance. My world was rocked 4 years ago when I went from being alone all the time, to my husband and I being together all the time, which put to rest my "only child" world. I had to learn the words "ours" and "we" instead of "mine" and "I" all the time. I went from being the main person talking with others, to my husband being his social self and talking more, while I became more reserved. My peaceful life was not so peaceful with a boisterous, Latin man. I learned how to love someone no matter what...even when they were sometimes frustrating and annoying. I learned how to be less about me and more about us. It was very hard, but I grew so much from it and continue to do so. I have definitely not "arrived" and my only-childness creeps up constantly in marriage.
Then, I get pregnant. My world was all about this little being growing inside of me and everyone wanted to know all about it! I was the center of attention again, which was so different for me! I loved knowing that people were excited about my baby.
Finally, I had him and my world was rocked in the best way possible. Having him taught me that life was all about family and loving the people in it well. He taught me that even if I wanted comfort, his comfort was more important to me. It was natural and felt so amazing to provide for him.
Now, 13 months later, my beautiful baby boy is growing so much and I'm sitting here wondering what I ever did to deserve having this amazing child. And how we already got to 13 months blows my mind! I can't explain how much I don't care that my world is all about him and less and less about me. I adore seeing people loving on him and enjoying him. I live for his hugs and his sweet, wet kisses. He wears me out, but I go back for more with no hesitations! It's almost more than I can handle!
When I say that he's a joy, I don't just say that because he's my child. I say that because this child lives for moments to catch someone's attention and flash a huge grin at them...He loves to make people laugh....He hugs babies when they're crying and hands them a toy....He learns how to enjoy almost every moment he has and tries his hardest to get others to join in on the fun....He babbles like crazy and "talks" to people or to our dogs like he makes complete sense (But he can say "dada", "mama", "agua" and "Isaac" now!)....He can't stay mad for long without cracking a grin because it's just not him. The list can go on and on. This kid is every reminder that I never knew I needed to be joyful in all circumstances. He is just an absolutely incredible kid and I can't believe I get to be his mother. When I sit here and think about all that we've been through together as a family in the last year, I just want to cry and hug him! We did this together! We got through all the busy work/school schedules and all the sleepless nights and came out on top! He's doing so well and we have ourselves a happy, smart and healthy kid.
I want to thank Him for teaching me how to love in a way I never could've imagined. Even when Matthew has been difficult, I learned how to serve, love and cherish every moment. Even when I'm exhausted, I have learned that I would do anything for this little guy, happily, again and again.
Putting aside myself has been a sacrifice that has ultimately led to so much joy. I love my little family and wouldn't have it any other way. Only child, comfort-seeking, my way-or-the-highway Diana has moved out of the way in so many aspects of my life and I'm grateful that God saw it fit for me to be a part of this family. I pray I will always embrace glimpses of grace and love within our family that help remind me of all the sacrifices He made for us.
Let me start this by telling you that I am a person of simplicity, comfort and peace. I enjoy my alone time, but also love being with people with a maintained balance. My world was rocked 4 years ago when I went from being alone all the time, to my husband and I being together all the time, which put to rest my "only child" world. I had to learn the words "ours" and "we" instead of "mine" and "I" all the time. I went from being the main person talking with others, to my husband being his social self and talking more, while I became more reserved. My peaceful life was not so peaceful with a boisterous, Latin man. I learned how to love someone no matter what...even when they were sometimes frustrating and annoying. I learned how to be less about me and more about us. It was very hard, but I grew so much from it and continue to do so. I have definitely not "arrived" and my only-childness creeps up constantly in marriage.
Then, I get pregnant. My world was all about this little being growing inside of me and everyone wanted to know all about it! I was the center of attention again, which was so different for me! I loved knowing that people were excited about my baby.
Finally, I had him and my world was rocked in the best way possible. Having him taught me that life was all about family and loving the people in it well. He taught me that even if I wanted comfort, his comfort was more important to me. It was natural and felt so amazing to provide for him.
Now, 13 months later, my beautiful baby boy is growing so much and I'm sitting here wondering what I ever did to deserve having this amazing child. And how we already got to 13 months blows my mind! I can't explain how much I don't care that my world is all about him and less and less about me. I adore seeing people loving on him and enjoying him. I live for his hugs and his sweet, wet kisses. He wears me out, but I go back for more with no hesitations! It's almost more than I can handle! When I say that he's a joy, I don't just say that because he's my child. I say that because this child lives for moments to catch someone's attention and flash a huge grin at them...He loves to make people laugh....He hugs babies when they're crying and hands them a toy....He learns how to enjoy almost every moment he has and tries his hardest to get others to join in on the fun....He babbles like crazy and "talks" to people or to our dogs like he makes complete sense (But he can say "dada", "mama", "agua" and "Isaac" now!)....He can't stay mad for long without cracking a grin because it's just not him. The list can go on and on. This kid is every reminder that I never knew I needed to be joyful in all circumstances. He is just an absolutely incredible kid and I can't believe I get to be his mother. When I sit here and think about all that we've been through together as a family in the last year, I just want to cry and hug him! We did this together! We got through all the busy work/school schedules and all the sleepless nights and came out on top! He's doing so well and we have ourselves a happy, smart and healthy kid.
And to see this baby's face light up when he sees my
husband...oh, man. He adores his daddy. He is a studier and studies
every move he makes. It's incredible to see them together. It's
hard to believe that because Daniel and I chose to be together, Matthew is here
with us. Even though my joy is insurmountable having him now, that
joy wouldn't be there without Daniel and I's choice to unite as one almost 4
years ago. It's such a complex thought to even comprehend. I think
that's why marriage must be the foundation for your family. It's a
reminder that it was the beginning of a family and without that beginning, your
family wouldn't exist. I will never be able to truly thank the Lord
adequately for giving Daniel and I each other and in turn, our little man, but I will try.
Putting aside myself has been a sacrifice that has ultimately led to so much joy. I love my little family and wouldn't have it any other way. Only child, comfort-seeking, my way-or-the-highway Diana has moved out of the way in so many aspects of my life and I'm grateful that God saw it fit for me to be a part of this family. I pray I will always embrace glimpses of grace and love within our family that help remind me of all the sacrifices He made for us.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Baby love, my baby love!
I write this realizing that some mothers will probably throw shoes at the screen as they read this..but I just can't keep it to myself anymore. At this time and in these moments of newborn/infant life, Daniel and I have THE PERFECT BABY! (And I'm not just saying that out of love or admiration for the little guy!) People ask me how I'm doing and how it is being a mother and I literally have nothing bad to say. The only "bad thing" is that he wakes me up once or sometimes twice in the night and I'm tired. He cries when he is hungry, when he is fighting going to sleep and when he needs to burp! That's it...from day 1, this child has been relaxed, go-with-the-flow and extremely smiley!! I took pictures of him smiling in his sleep, thinking "Wow, he sure is a happy sleeper!!!" (But I was told that it's only 'gas.' ;) ) I had noooo idea that this would carry over into everyday life when he's awake. Once he started smiling when he was awake, there was no stopping him! He smiles at anything and everything!! I absolutely melt into a puddle on the floor every.single.time. he smiles. It's SO sweet!!
Here are some of the many reasons why he's amazing:
He LOVES his sleep. This boy can sleep...and sleep....and sleep. For the first couple of months of his life, I could barely keep him awake to eat or interact with us. In fact, when he was having a difficult time gaining weight, I was told to wake him every 2 hours to feed him. This poor guy was HUNGRY when he was awake and nursing was not working for us for a few weeks. He cried out of frustration when he wasn't getting enough, but was always extremely patient the majority of the time. I know when I am really hungry, I am not happy either! My famous pre-child phrase was, "I will never wake up my child..always let a sleeping baby sleep!" So, with that mentality, it was extremely hard for me to set my alarm and wake this beautiful, sleeping child up to eat. Also, he would not wake up for me at all!!! Daniel would get up with me and we would try everything to wake him up together. He would eat for a minute or two and then fall right back asleep. It was seriously one of the most stressful times for us, because we were worried about him not getting enough food and we had no idea how to feed him if he wouldn't stay awake. Once he started going to his awesome sitter, Shannon, he took bottles like a champ and he stays awake to eat much more these days! He's definitely like his mom and dad in the fact that he loves his sleep. He also seems to sleep through most noises, which is very much his father. (Daniel could sleep through a Mack Truck driving through the room and would never notice.) All this to say....this baby is a sleeping fool!!!!!!! :)
He is a very chill child...he loves to be with us and "talk" or laugh, but he also LOVES to be on his own and can talk to himself happily or play with a toy. He's a child that can just be left in his pack and play or swing for a while without needing anything. It's funny, there've actually been times when he got fussy and the minute I put him down in his pack and play or swing, he was happy as a lark! Daniel and I have decided that he's going to be very independent. (We will see if we are right later on!)
He LOVES to talk!!! Daniel and I talk to him and he talks right back to us and sometimes OVER us! (I tell him that interrupting is rude! haha) He loves it when I make sounds for him and he always makes a noise, like "Do it again, mom!" back to me. He can be very LOUD when he talks sometimes!! It's hilarious!
He is joyful...he smiles at anything and everything! Sometimes I will be looking away from him and I look back and he is smiling from ear-to-ear at me. It is amazing to see the joy that he is filled with and to be the receiver of those amazing smiles. With all that joy, it has made me extremely joyful as well as his happiness is very contagious.
I just love this kid! He's too good to be true and I couldn't be more grateful. I know that I would be grateful either way, but seeing how great of a child he is all the time, makes me even more grateful. God didn't have to give us an incredibly easy, amazing baby...but He did. I just keep saying, "What's the catch??? When will he start being a difficult baby? I don't know what I did to deserve this!!!" I then continually remind myself that God doesn't give according to what we deserve...He joyfully gives us gifts because He loves us. He gave Daniel and I Matthew with His good intentions to bless our little family and in turn bless others. Even if he turns out to be a difficult child, I will continue to be grateful. (Note to self, read this statement later over and over again.) I will not take this blessing named Matthew for granted and will continually thank the Lord for these precious days with him. Thank you, SO much, God! Watch out, world...Matthew Tesch España is ready to make you smile, too! :)
Here are some of the many reasons why he's amazing:
He LOVES his sleep. This boy can sleep...and sleep....and sleep. For the first couple of months of his life, I could barely keep him awake to eat or interact with us. In fact, when he was having a difficult time gaining weight, I was told to wake him every 2 hours to feed him. This poor guy was HUNGRY when he was awake and nursing was not working for us for a few weeks. He cried out of frustration when he wasn't getting enough, but was always extremely patient the majority of the time. I know when I am really hungry, I am not happy either! My famous pre-child phrase was, "I will never wake up my child..always let a sleeping baby sleep!" So, with that mentality, it was extremely hard for me to set my alarm and wake this beautiful, sleeping child up to eat. Also, he would not wake up for me at all!!! Daniel would get up with me and we would try everything to wake him up together. He would eat for a minute or two and then fall right back asleep. It was seriously one of the most stressful times for us, because we were worried about him not getting enough food and we had no idea how to feed him if he wouldn't stay awake. Once he started going to his awesome sitter, Shannon, he took bottles like a champ and he stays awake to eat much more these days! He's definitely like his mom and dad in the fact that he loves his sleep. He also seems to sleep through most noises, which is very much his father. (Daniel could sleep through a Mack Truck driving through the room and would never notice.) All this to say....this baby is a sleeping fool!!!!!!! :)
He is a very chill child...he loves to be with us and "talk" or laugh, but he also LOVES to be on his own and can talk to himself happily or play with a toy. He's a child that can just be left in his pack and play or swing for a while without needing anything. It's funny, there've actually been times when he got fussy and the minute I put him down in his pack and play or swing, he was happy as a lark! Daniel and I have decided that he's going to be very independent. (We will see if we are right later on!)
He LOVES to talk!!! Daniel and I talk to him and he talks right back to us and sometimes OVER us! (I tell him that interrupting is rude! haha) He loves it when I make sounds for him and he always makes a noise, like "Do it again, mom!" back to me. He can be very LOUD when he talks sometimes!! It's hilarious!
He is joyful...he smiles at anything and everything! Sometimes I will be looking away from him and I look back and he is smiling from ear-to-ear at me. It is amazing to see the joy that he is filled with and to be the receiver of those amazing smiles. With all that joy, it has made me extremely joyful as well as his happiness is very contagious.
I just love this kid! He's too good to be true and I couldn't be more grateful. I know that I would be grateful either way, but seeing how great of a child he is all the time, makes me even more grateful. God didn't have to give us an incredibly easy, amazing baby...but He did. I just keep saying, "What's the catch??? When will he start being a difficult baby? I don't know what I did to deserve this!!!" I then continually remind myself that God doesn't give according to what we deserve...He joyfully gives us gifts because He loves us. He gave Daniel and I Matthew with His good intentions to bless our little family and in turn bless others. Even if he turns out to be a difficult child, I will continue to be grateful. (Note to self, read this statement later over and over again.) I will not take this blessing named Matthew for granted and will continually thank the Lord for these precious days with him. Thank you, SO much, God! Watch out, world...Matthew Tesch España is ready to make you smile, too! :)
Thursday, January 22, 2015
3rd trimester/Delivery Story (Rated PG)
Wow, so I got really behind on blogging....like, Really behind!!!!!! I had all these ambitions to document each phase of pregnancy in a cutesy way and in all honesty, I just got too tired and busy near the end to keep up with it all.
3rd trimester pretty much started right when work started back up and it was definitely challenging to balance it all. They say your brain is not the same when you're pregnant and I can definitely vouch that that is true. I had every good intention to prep and plan perfectly, but that didn't always happen. Let's just say that my last trimester was a challenge. I was swollen for a while...like the last 3 months of pregnancy. When I expressed my concern to my doctors I saw, the typical response I heard was "You're pregnant...that's normal!" This was never what I wanted to hear, by the way. I wanted them to have some kind of Solution, but nope! Daniel grew increasingly concerned for me as I swelled so badly that I could barely walk functionally near the end. My blood pressure started to get higher and higher as the pregnancy neared its end and the doctors monitored it each week. The week before I had Matthew, the doctor told me I could take off work, but honestly..I wasn't ready. Lots of stuff was going on at work and prepping for the subs was important to me! I decided to work up until the last work day before my due date. It probably wasn't my finest decision-making moment in life considering what the following Friday doctor visit would look like....
Daniel and I went to my 39 week appointment on October 31st knowing that they had already decided to plan an induction date for November 2nd. In my head, I planned on questioning the induction decision to see if that was the best decision for me. In my head, that day was going to be all different than it was. We went in and I did the normal things that I do when I walk in, which was a blood pressure check and a sample. Blood pressure was 176/80. Great. Doctor walked into the room and was 'not happy' with my blood pressure or the sample that they took. She looked at my swelling and said, "well, I'm sending you to the hospital tonight. You have preeclampsia and your body is ready to have this baby; it's time to help you out." A part of me was relieved and the majority of me was scared to death. We drove home and Daniel packed his bag. We decided to grab some food before the hospital and then we drove ourselves there. They immediately got me into a room and started the process, no check-in involved, because they had already heard I was coming. Gotta love that! Oh, and our room number was 2323, which is the exact number of our house! It was kindof an ironic twist to our Halloween night check-in at the hospital!!!
I was literally shaking like a leaf as I entered the room and that lasted throughout the entire delivery process for me. They took a sample from me, along with another blood pressure check and immediately decided I was at risk with my preeclampsia, so I would need to start an IV, get a catheter and have magnesium run through me to prevent a seizure. What? My plan was to get there, eventually get pitosin and be able to get up and move around so that Matthew would be inspired to exit. **Little did I know then, but I wouldn't be getting up until Monday!!!!** They informed me that the magnesium, unfortunately, would fight against the contractions to relax my blood pressure and it would feel like I had the flu. Wow, so awesome!! I Really did not want to get it, but I didn't really have a choice, considering my condition.
*Fun fact about me on magnesium : It made me EXTREMELY hot and we had the air bumped up so high that my lovely husband and mother had to go get warmer clothes. They weren't enjoying the magnesium either! Ha!
What was next? Hours and hours of waiting, being checked, waiting, being checked and being told the same thing..."You're just not dilating yet." The next day came slowly and hearing that I was in the same spot was very frustrating, especially being bound to the bed with nothing to do but be in pain/filled with anticipation. They checked Matthew with a sonogram and he was facing down, but not moving down at all. They predicted that he had been in the same position for a long time and wasn't going to move anytime soon. All of this whole day was a blur. Somewhere in there, I got an epidural, which helped a lot. All I remember was feeling defeated that what I thought were good contractions, were just me being barely dilated. *So, shout out to all those ladies that endure contractions past a 3, because I could barely handle up to a 3!!!!!* Finally, 28 hours had come and the doctor that was on call that day came in and told me that she didn't think Matthew was moving anytime soon and it would probably take another day to labor. She suggested a C-Section. My initial thought, was "No! C-Section is bad and you should always try naturally first!" But then I thought about it...I was exhausted, completely souped up on magnesium ("Mag" as the cool nurses called it) and I just had no idea if I could do it much longer. So, the lady checked my blood pressure again (Oh man, that happened probably 40 times while I was there) and my blood pressure had dropped. They listened for Matthew's heartbeat and they couldn't find it. This then turned it into an emergency C-Section, so Daniel informed me that they rushed me down to the surgery room in order to get started right away. I was very worried, asking "Where is my husband?" and then he finally appeared. This was all hazy to me as I was very tired and was in and out of sleep. All I remember from the C-section were people talking and then I felt him being pulled out (not pain, just pressure). I remember asking if he was O.K. and then hearing him cry. Daniel and I both recalled that although I was not doing O.K. physically, once I heard Matthew's cry, I was immediately alert and ready to know if he was alright and wanted to see him. My world forever changed in that moment. Oh, poor Daniel got faint because when he went to cut the umbilical cord, he saw blood around the table I was on. He came over to me and said,"Honey, I have to go because I don't feel well." What?? He was O.K. and got to be with Matthew and my parents until I was brought to the room. OH, and while they were having "ooo" and "ahhh" moments, I was getting an X-ray so they could see if they left any instruments inside of me during the surgery since they didn't have proper time to prepare with it being an emergency. Seriously? But This was my delivery story and there's no turning back!!!!!!!
The next 2 days, I was a mess...extremely exhausted and could barely keep my eyes opened to enjoy or nurse Matthew. I was still on several drugs and that definitely set us back a little bit. The pain I experienced from the C-section was something fierce, so that was a struggle as well. People were in and out and, unfortunately, I was just not well enough to be myself. I saw so many nurses in those 4 days that I was there, it was crazy!
The lesson I learned out of this whole experience was to expect the unexpected. Nothing from my experience with delivering a child was how I pictured it or wanted it to be and I had to learn to be O.K. with it. The end result was all that mattered: God got us through it, I was alive (because in all reality, I could've been in pretty bad shape from this) and Matthew was a perfectly healthy baby. But, for now, thinking back on those days is not a fun experience for me. What a way to bring a kid into the world! Ha!
Through it all, I was protected by an incredible God and surrounded by an amazing husband, awesome parents and wonderful family and friends to tell me all was well.
Oh, and this beautiful little guy entered the world And entered my heart all in one. And, boy did he ever help me see that falling in love can happen again with your own child. It's surreal, but incredible to be this boy's mom. More to come soon!
*Fun fact about me on magnesium : It made me EXTREMELY hot and we had the air bumped up so high that my lovely husband and mother had to go get warmer clothes. They weren't enjoying the magnesium either! Ha!
What was next? Hours and hours of waiting, being checked, waiting, being checked and being told the same thing..."You're just not dilating yet." The next day came slowly and hearing that I was in the same spot was very frustrating, especially being bound to the bed with nothing to do but be in pain/filled with anticipation. They checked Matthew with a sonogram and he was facing down, but not moving down at all. They predicted that he had been in the same position for a long time and wasn't going to move anytime soon. All of this whole day was a blur. Somewhere in there, I got an epidural, which helped a lot. All I remember was feeling defeated that what I thought were good contractions, were just me being barely dilated. *So, shout out to all those ladies that endure contractions past a 3, because I could barely handle up to a 3!!!!!* Finally, 28 hours had come and the doctor that was on call that day came in and told me that she didn't think Matthew was moving anytime soon and it would probably take another day to labor. She suggested a C-Section. My initial thought, was "No! C-Section is bad and you should always try naturally first!" But then I thought about it...I was exhausted, completely souped up on magnesium ("Mag" as the cool nurses called it) and I just had no idea if I could do it much longer. So, the lady checked my blood pressure again (Oh man, that happened probably 40 times while I was there) and my blood pressure had dropped. They listened for Matthew's heartbeat and they couldn't find it. This then turned it into an emergency C-Section, so Daniel informed me that they rushed me down to the surgery room in order to get started right away. I was very worried, asking "Where is my husband?" and then he finally appeared. This was all hazy to me as I was very tired and was in and out of sleep. All I remember from the C-section were people talking and then I felt him being pulled out (not pain, just pressure). I remember asking if he was O.K. and then hearing him cry. Daniel and I both recalled that although I was not doing O.K. physically, once I heard Matthew's cry, I was immediately alert and ready to know if he was alright and wanted to see him. My world forever changed in that moment. Oh, poor Daniel got faint because when he went to cut the umbilical cord, he saw blood around the table I was on. He came over to me and said,"Honey, I have to go because I don't feel well." What?? He was O.K. and got to be with Matthew and my parents until I was brought to the room. OH, and while they were having "ooo" and "ahhh" moments, I was getting an X-ray so they could see if they left any instruments inside of me during the surgery since they didn't have proper time to prepare with it being an emergency. Seriously? But This was my delivery story and there's no turning back!!!!!!!
The next 2 days, I was a mess...extremely exhausted and could barely keep my eyes opened to enjoy or nurse Matthew. I was still on several drugs and that definitely set us back a little bit. The pain I experienced from the C-section was something fierce, so that was a struggle as well. People were in and out and, unfortunately, I was just not well enough to be myself. I saw so many nurses in those 4 days that I was there, it was crazy!
The lesson I learned out of this whole experience was to expect the unexpected. Nothing from my experience with delivering a child was how I pictured it or wanted it to be and I had to learn to be O.K. with it. The end result was all that mattered: God got us through it, I was alive (because in all reality, I could've been in pretty bad shape from this) and Matthew was a perfectly healthy baby. But, for now, thinking back on those days is not a fun experience for me. What a way to bring a kid into the world! Ha!
Through it all, I was protected by an incredible God and surrounded by an amazing husband, awesome parents and wonderful family and friends to tell me all was well.
Oh, and this beautiful little guy entered the world And entered my heart all in one. And, boy did he ever help me see that falling in love can happen again with your own child. It's surreal, but incredible to be this boy's mom. More to come soon!
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Baby Shower #1
I was very blessed with wonderful friends and family supporting me with a shower in August! It was such an awesome feeling to know that people from all stages of my life were there to celebrate our upcoming SON...very, very surreal. Here are a few pictures!!!
I absolutely loved all the decorations and food they chose for our airplane themed nursery!
What is that you see on the cake? Matthew? Why yes, that's going to be his name! :)
We were blessed with lots of wonderful gifts for Matthew and we also had lots of fun playing games!
So grateful for all the friends and family that got to come.
Lisa and her son Henry came down to stay with us and we had a blast! :) (My little preview of having a little one in the house was so exciting!)
My cousins from Colorodo came and it was SO great to see them again!
Here are my amazing hostesses! I can't even express how much they all mean to me and I am forever grateful to them for all the love they poured into this shower for our little Matthew!
up the cars!
We have had so much fun getting the nursery set up and I will post pictures of that in the near future! Will post more later as I am very behind on blogging! :)
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